Ex-Con Leaves Christendom

In a press release airing tomorrow, President of Christendom College, Seamus O'Kielty told reporters that:

"Never before have we seen such a scandal at Christendom. We are going to be certain it doesn't ever happen again. Sometimes it is just hard to tell. She seemed so innocent, and her good looks deceived us. Then one day we received an anonymous 32-bit RGB color fax. Uncertain how this could happen, we ignored it for two years until only recently we realized who was in the picture, but by then they had already graduated and left this area."

Further along in his statement, President O'Kielty enumerated some of this student's past criminal activities:

After robbing a bank in New Hampshire, she ran a red light in a black Blazer and was broadsided--totaling the vehicle--during her freshman year.

After robbing a bank in Washington D.C., and fleeing north with an accomplice, the suspect rear-ended an eighteen wheeler while trying to escape police in a high speed chase which totalled her Windstar van, during her sophomore year.

She also:

Starred in a rap group with Mary Germann.

Painted the Rock in Irish colors.

Burned the Wallflower.

For several years, used a New Hampshire grocery store's deli counter as a front for a branch of the black market, where she laundered stolen money. And raw meat.

Also while she worked at this grocery store and in the kitchen at Christendom College, she embezzled vegetables, both fresh and canned, then surrepticiously dumped them into a nearby river at night.

These are but some of the highlights from the President's list. However, we were able to obtain a copy of the fax the college had received two years ago, and have published it here: