More Tragedy Than A Dickens Novel...

Such was the life of Mary Beth Baker.

But moving on...

Part .311 in a Three Part Series On Lizzie Black!

It was after several sailing expeditions circumnavigravigadgetating the globe that the Blacks landed in Puerto Rico. After several hours of hard bargaining and much shouting, most of the Blacks were sold to some plantation owners on the west side of the Island. Meanwhile, the white Blacks avoided all this by taking berth on a different ship. They came from merry Old England across the Indian Ocean straight into New York harbor, very glad to leave Moscow behind. After saluting the Statue of Liberty, their ship weighed its anchor, and finding it to be heavy enough, dropped it once again into the harbor, and as the stevedores gave a good old heave-ho to tote the womenfolks' hatboxes and clothes chests ashore, Mr. Black was personally greeted by Peter Stuyvesant, who expressed his misgivings about buying Manhattan for a box of beads and trinkets, feeling the Indians had gotten the better end of the deal. Little Lizzie stared up at the two men talking with her large dark eyes, sparkling with mischief, and well, she just stared vacuously as she stood there on the dock cradled in her mothers arms, trying to losen the choke collar with which she had been retro-fitted for good measure.

After pulling her parents in a dog cart to their new plot of land in Michigan (which Mr. Black had staked out and claimed during the Oklahoma Land Rush, being completely disoriented), Little Lizzie decided she liked Michigan well enough, and was happy to be there.

Now let's fast forward ahead to when Lizzie was three.... 1982...

Lizzie learned her first little tune, and tried to sing, but in vain. She would slowly get the hang of it, no doubt, but for now, her parents put her out in the yard to scare away the birds with her singing, and also gave her a digital camera to play with, but I can't end a sentence with a preposition, so I'll end this sentence now.

Little Lizzie Dreams of Leading an Alto Section and Crushing
them to death, one at a time, with a "hug of peace."

This was a crucial stage in the development of what some later and more optimistic observers would call Lizzie's "mind." Sum sae that she lost her marbles at an early age, probably taken by her parents so that she wouldn't swallow them by accident. No matter what your theory, there can definitely be no doubt that Little Lizzie was influenced by the fall of the Iron Curtain, and didn't like it very much. No one really knew how Lizzie felt about the Communists til she learned what spray paint was...



Though her childhood passed quickly, and may have seemed like a flash in the pants, it apparently had a big impact on the girl who later ascended to power like none other before her, except Catherine the Great, Queen Isabella of Spain, Elizabeth I and II of England, Bloody Mary Tudor, her mother Catherine Four Door, and well anyway.... let's just say Miss Black's likes hadn't been seen since Margie Thatcher, and that gives us a window of a few years at least.

Here we have a totally unrelated picture.

Alas! The question of this newsreporter is what happened in Miss Elizabeth Noelle Black's childhood that resulted in what this Three Part Series has already been investigating in part, and which shall not even be attempted to be named or labeled or any otherwiseway detailed, but I shall submit simply this photo, and let you, the reader, see what I am talking about:

(The flaming horns were not painted into the photograph, honest!)

Deep in the Heart of Texas...

From Reporter M. Dietrich, Tx.


08/31/2006:

A dinner and reception were held in honor of Mr. David Kinchen, altar boy at Annunciation Catholic Church in Houston, Texas for 14 years, this evening, whereat he officialy announced his retirement from cassock and surplice.

A delicious serving of fajitas and cranberry sauce were served, as were people, and common folk and dignitaries alike were treated to a long-winded speech by Mr. Kinchen, as he reflected on his years of service, and his prognosis on the future of electric cars in the third world, as he spoke in the lobby of the East End Worker Development Center in Houston. "I remember one Sunday in particular," said Mr. Kinchen, but as to what he was referring the reporter failed to catch, as he unintentionally received a cell phone call and had to leave hurriedly for a short time, after which he left in less of a hurry.














"Our intentions are clear as for the safety of our country, and our people," responded Olmert. "No matter what picture of the situation between Israel and Hezbollah is shown by Reuters and CNN on television and in the papers, we will prevail against the threats of Iran and Syria, and the unjust demands of Kofi Annan."

Both young and old turned out to hear Mr. Kinchen and congratulate him, and some high-profile people were in attendance as well, including the mayors of Illegalsville and Asleepatchawheel, Nay Reagan and Will Bite.

Mr. Kinchen declined a request by Pope John XXIV to attend, absolving him from the needlessness to travel from Walla Walla.


He also acknowledged unenthusiastically a plaque congratulating his service from Sheila Jackson-Lee. Annunciation Catholic Church was built in 1869, and has been a parish in what is now the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston ever since. Mr. Kinchen did not comment on during which fourteen years of the parish's history he had been serving Mass.

"I will miss with fondness wielding the communion paten, ringing the bells, especially craning my neck and wondering when the Hanc Igitur was going to take place," related Kinchen to a milling horde. He also recalled when Gannon Leonard dropped the wine cruet in the chalice after Communion one Sunday. "It made a funny sound, and Monsignor made less of a funny face," recalled Mr. Kinchen with a smile. A special moment came when David's OLDest sister
offered a toast towards his health and prosperity, and opined loudly that "Jonathan" should "come back" home "from Virginia" and "Chrysostom."


A salutatory requiem will be said at an undisclosed date at an unidentified location. Details were not available at press time.

In lieu of gifts, memorial donations may be made to the Solomon Road Mass Transit Authority League, Miss Christina Kinchen, Treasurer. She also accepts flowers.