The Choir Is My Empire: Part II, "Red October and The Beginning of The End"

A Candid shot of Miss E. N. Black taken from inside the St. Lawrence Commons. She had already shot and killed two previous cameramen with her deadly good looks when they attempted to approach and take pictures of her from the front.

DARTH VADER, STEP ASIDE:

Like a shark that tastes blood, the Children's Choir Catastrophe whetted Elizabeth Noelle Black's hunger for power. While she tried to form her siblings into her own personal Praetorian Guard, most of her attempts failed, so she contented herself with dictating the lives of chickens by moving their pen about the yard, particularly into areas with ant beds.

Years passed, and Lizzie grew up, well at least in the sense of getting taller. Ever the tyrant, Lizzie forced her siblings to complete her homework assignments and graduate her from highschool, but she soon learned that the key to being an effective Queen, or Tsarina, lay in subtlety. As it was, her methods, though partially successful, fell flat on their faces; everyone around her--except the chickens--realized what she was up to. So frightened were they of Lizzie's efforts to control all around her that three priests put their heads together and attempted to exorcise Lizzie while she sat at the dinner table, insisting the entrees be passed around the table clockwise. Meanwhile, Four deacons got together in the barn and tried very hard to say a Mass, but despite their best efforts, it was declared invalid by Pope John XXIV, in the Vatican of Montana.

After attempting to excommunicate Pope John XXIV, Lizzie prepared for college, and suddenly, to the shock of her acquaintences, appeared to have abandoned any and all attempts to seize any sort of power, altogether. Yet, other thoughts brewed beneath her dark, curly, girly, swirly, but not burly, crown...

TACTICS AND STRATEGERY:

It came to her one night while reading The Rise and Fall of Charles Dickens: The Didactic Tactics of Catherine II of Russia. Lizzie realized that she must approach her goals of power in a totally new way, and that it was very important to be noticed first as a peer, and then climb the ladder of opportunity when it falls from the overpassing Zeppelin of Fate. To accomplish the first part of her task, Lizzie arrived at her new college with her wrist in a prefabricated cast of her own design. She also developed a very plausible story explaining it, except that story had one fatal flaw: as often as she told of herself riding a bike, no one had ever seen her ride a bicycle. Even so, this is not near tell tale as the fact that multiple eye-witnesses from her freshman year have attested to the fact that her cast randomly changed arms.

"I distinctly recall shaking her hand when she introduced herself to me as the most important girl to ever register at Christendom College," recalled Walter Janaro. "There was a bit of an awkward moment because her cast was on the hand with which she attempted to shake mine."

Yet only three days later, during a dance, then senior Tom Cole recalled, "It was so strange to have her casted wrist perched on my right shoulder as we danced. I kept seeing it out of the corner of my eye and thinking it was either a sock puppet or my conscience in the form of a good angel dressed in white. Of course, that is not to say that in reality it wasn't the hand of an angel on my shoulder after all, but I only thought that because I hadn't gotten to know Lizzie very well, but I would see her all too often hanging out with disreputable folk in the dingy foyer of St. Pius."

Nonetheless, her ploys worked. Lizzie had gained the admiration, recognition, and sympathy of her peers. Now all that was lacking was a Zeppelin dropping ladders...

THE CHOIR:

The ladder fell after a full two years in college, in a venue all too familiar with Miss Black, the Choir. Once again Dr. Poterack was its director, once again, there were unruly girls, and once again, she was ready to wield the chain of command, and strike her fellow choristers with it.

An anonymous bass was, unbeknownst to himself, piloting Lizzie's Zeppelin right into the Chapel Crypt. Recognizing his own limitations and that of his entire section, he put forth an idea to the Direktor in a secret conference which took place behind closed doors. Impressed with, and proud of, his intelligent bass, Dr. Poterack considered, amended, and implemented the bass's suggestion while pre-posthumously awarding him the knight's cross with hemlock leaves.

AS THE LEAVES TURNED BLOODY RED; OCTOBER 2005:

Not long after his pleasant interview with Dr. Poterack, the anonymous bass (we will refer to him as The Black Fox) told Draper Warren (aka. John Wayne) and Elizabeth Black of his meeting, over dinner. Lizzie could not believe her ears; the ladder of opportunity had finally arrived, only it was more like an escalator! Unable to restrain herself, she blurted out, "I shall use my power to hire bouncers and oppress my entire section!" The table suddenly grew quiet. John Wayne and The Black Fox stared silently and wide-eyed at Lizzie. The stillness was only broken by some grease dripping from the sloppy Joe in The Black Fox's hand. Suddenly all became clear, and the whole world of catastrophe that awaited the choir presented itself to Draper and the Fox, who jumped away from the table shrieking with all their might.

^A Bouncer.

Ever religious, Lizzie Blackmailed Dr. Poterack into giving her the alto section leader position, (Only she knew of his secret plans to burn the Wallflower, which she overheard while pressing an upside down cup to the telephone line to Dr. Poterack's office, while Dr. Poterack listened to a voicemail from himself reminding him to burn the Wallflower, which he has only recently done, while framing students for its destruction.) and opened her first meeting with the altos thus: "Dr. Poterack whipped you with whips, but I shall whip you with Scorpions! Well, as soon as I get my sidekick to import some from Texas."

Alarmed by these developments, the other section leaders supplicated Dr. Poterack to devise a defense plan. Frightened by what may come next, two of the section leaders fled by graduating. Interested in what Dr. Poterack plans to implement in order to safeguard his position as Direktor of the Khoir, we put the question to him directly:

Reporter: "Have you thought of putting any checks in place to make sure Miss Black
doesn't oppress the members of her section?"

KP: "Actually it all depends on how I feel about the other members of the
alto section. I may WANT her to opress them. But then again, maybe not.
I'll have to think about it."

Reporter: "Are there any security measures in place to make sure Miss Black does not attempt to take over more of the choir, or perhaps even attempt a coup d' etat and overthrow you as choir director? "

KP: "This I have prepared for. Do you know that Jackie Kennedy/Reese Witherspoon 'pretty in pink' outfit that Emma wears? Under the guise of 'completing the ensemble' I will get her a pair of white gloves and a pill box hat which in actuality will have a radio transmitter in it that will send calming waves in Lizzie's direction, thus mittigating her more aggressive moods. This should do the trick. "

So stands the fate of the Christendom College Choir. At least for now...

Miss Black plans her next move. Let's hope it's not Checkmate.