It is common knowledge in Catholic circles that many Christendomites have a strong attachment to tradition. College officials readily admit that a number of students long for a return to medieval times, when Church and state were more closely linked. These students are also fascinated with medieval weapons and warfare, and a few even bear scars from friendly sparring events. Two of these students seem to have gotten a little carried away.
In a Hundred Years War reenactment that took place last September, the Christendom ex-convict allegedly mistook her French opponents for Muslim invaders. The suspect claims she believed herself to be a crusader. In any event, the French were routed in a matter of minutes. With the help of an unidentified friend, the "Christendom Con" - as she is now known - littered the battlefield with corpses.
The audience was awestruck by the realism of the battle, and spectators did not notice that anything was amiss until birds began circling a few hours later. Back at the college, students gathered for a mandatory Holy Hour to pray for the souls of the innocent French pretenders. Shortly afterwards the student body gave their convict a hero's welcome, complete with flowers, song, dance, and drink. Police are still trying to locate the Christendom Con's accomplice, and a small reward is offered for any information that leads to his arrest.
I think I shall cut your pay in half.
ReplyDeleteTo whom do we submit information that will lead to the arrest of the accomplice, in order to claim the reward? It seems unwise to entrust such important business to the amateur.
ReplyDeleteSubmit any info you have care of The Editor, you may find an email link to him in his profile, simply click on "The Editor" at the top right hand corner of the newspage.
ReplyDeleteI believe the convict is searching to become a late-night assassin as well. Careful Jonathan, I have news that she may be operating in your area.
ReplyDeleteEmailing doesn't work, but here's my information anyway.
ReplyDeleteDear Mr. Editor,
Wouldn't the fact that the Christendom Con's accomplice was the Christendom Con's accomplice be information enough to lead to his (or her) arrest? In which case, wouldn't it be better to secure information on this individuals locations? You might try look South of the Border: Down Mexico Way... The accomplice is probably masquerading as an Indian Medicine Man and watching movies such as Dallas and the Searchers.
Hope this information leads to the imminent capture of said criminal, as a citizen cannot feel safe when such persons are wandering around the country.
The Concerned Citizen
Emailing doesn't work, but here's my information anyway.
ReplyDeleteDear Mr. Editor,
Wouldn't the fact that the Christendom Con's accomplice was the Christendom Con's accomplice be information enough to lead to his (or her) arrest? In which case, wouldn't it be better to secure information on this individuals locations? You might try look South of the Border: Down Mexico Way... The accomplice is probably masquerading as an Indian Medicine Man and watching movies such as Dallas and the Searchers.
Hope this information leads to the imminent capture of said criminal, as a citizen cannot feel safe when such persons are wandering around the country.
The Concerned Citizen