A Letter From The Editor

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate and welcome our most recent writer to the staff of the Academy News. Dare I say that his first published work here on Le Chasseur Maudit shows a great deal of courage and skill, and has also caused quite a stirring and influx of comments from our readers, which I feel obligated to address.

Our first letter comes from Texas, and goes like so:

"Wow! Investigate something else, please!--What program did the manipulator use to improve the resolution of his fake photograph from the rough original?"

The Academy Responds:

Thank you sir for your consternation, it has been duly noted. However, the news dictates itself, and it is what it is, and that is as it chooses to be. I can assure you, on the other hand, I have different fingers, and that strange things of this nature are not new to Christendom, as a story we are currently preparing for publication will show. As to the veracity of the latest report by our forensics team, we are as of yet uncertain, as they chose to report on an investigation in progress without conclusive results. I am looking to it. In fact, I am firing that writer right now. As to the program used, it is most likely Pixalated Picture Printer, or simply some crayons applied to a flatbed scanner.

Our next letter comes from Maryland:

"You seem to be insinuating that the choir director in the cleverly altered photo is not as attractive as the "pale fellow." Clearly this is not true, as I'm sure my fellow sopranos would agree. After all, there must be some reason why, come September, there will still be a soprano section, despite the graduation of Pat MacDougall."

The Academy Responds:

Dear Reader: We do not insinuate. We report. However, it is nice of you to share with all of us your moving tale of unrequited love for a Georgian who is quite taken and not yours to covet. You are, after all, a girl, and so while this comes as no surprise that you are so foolishly minded, you might've at least pretended to be in choir for the music. Alas, and good day.

Our next letter comes from the bass section:

I have to admit, the whole potato sack idea doesn't sound like such a great idea to me. I can't picture any of the above ladies actually showing up to sing in the choir with potato sacks on. And somehow, I get the idea that I'm not about to be proven wrong... How many fire-breathing dragonesses do you know that sing? I know a few such beings, and none of them sing...

The Academy Responds:

Dear Sir: This is a most excellent letter, and you are very observant and enlightened, while at the same time delusionary. In the first place, your not liking the potato sack illustrates the need for it, to guard against that which Dr. Poterack may fear. In the second place, we have here at The Academy News a substantial fund to bribe the designer of the uniforms to come. In the third place, you either have not seen the fire-breathing dragonessses before you in choir, or are cleverly insulting their singing abilities. In the fourth place, you get neither gold nor silver, nor even a bronze medal, so don't finish there. And finally, you are, sir, a card, or very stupid. But we applaud you one and the same.

Our final letter comes to us from the tenor section:

Dear Santa,
I've been a good boy and like to sing about you. Can I please have a pony and a shiny stick made of titanium for beating squirrels and mice with? I promise I won't hurt you, and please bring the sopranos and altos coal, for they are very bad people. Much Love, *name undisclosed*

The Academy Responds:

In the future, please send your letters to Santa Claus through the Post Office. Thank you.