When You Hoped There Was Only One...

(We in no way altered this photo.)

Frantic that one Nazi RA (Restriction Arbiter) would be lost forever, and rampant miscreant activity would soar through the roof, the Deanette of Students secretly cloned one of the chur- girl's fiercest authority figures, also known as Oppressor Of Anything Fun And Interesting And Collegie, for short. A secret undertaking, the leak that provided us with this tell-tale photograph has since had their name added to the monument of Lost Freshmen along the path to the river. A wee bit dubious, we questioned several college officials concerning the matter. Timmy O'D. stated that, "Cloning!? Are you crazy? That is impossible. Miss Fogarty loves Christendom and wished to expand her collection of majors, and will be with us a while longer." When asked about our source's name being added to the Lost Freshmen monument, Dr. Rice replied, "_____ got lost in the woods during a reenactment of Beowulf, they were playing Grendel, and accidentally fled into a deep ravine." Dr. Snyder responded to our inquiries concerning the RA thus: "Oh, her! Well unfortunately it would seem she failed several courses, so she has to stay here for a bit longer. But you know, that's ok, because we love her mone- I mean she is a valuable family member of our campus." Catching Mrs. Rice on an evening walk, she replied boisterously to our question concerning the sudden disappearance of our source: "They wandered in the woods, and a tree fell on them, or a beaver ate their leg, I forget which. Go Teen Girl Squad!" Found going through a vaccuum cleaner bag on the top floor of Catherine's, we asked the Deanette about her alleged cloning, but she responded rather impatiently: "Go away! I must find a hair from the girl who lived here, or my whole plan is lost!" Not sure what to make of that, we put the whole issue before the Registrar, who looked at his desk, then up at us, and said cryptically, "Clone wars begun they have."