Man Trapped In Storage Unit; Nearly Dies

In the town of Front Royal, Virginia, a mere 67 miles west of Washington D.C., local police made a shocking discovery this past weekend. Residents at a house across the street from a fairly new storage facility called local police, and reported hearing muffled cries from one of the storage buildings. Arriving upon the scene, police discovered a middle aged man locked inside one of the storage units, and near dead from starvation and suffocation inside some plastic bags.
"I don't know why this keeps happening to me," the man, a resident of several Southwestern states, including Texas and New Mexico, stated from his hospital bed. "This is not the first time I've been trapped or quarantined for no good reason." His physician pro-tem, Dr. Krabopple, stated to our reporter that the man, whose name has not been released, will be well and released in a couple of day's time. A quick photo, the only one which was allowed, shows the man in his hospital bed, looking fairly well, though complaining of severe headaches. "I have severe headaches," the man stated. He is expected to be released on Tuesday, June 6.