...and sun-baked in the California . . . sun.
"That about sums up Josepha Bertolini," an anonymous source told Academy reporters. "Ever since she was a toddler, she's been getting into mischief and bumbling about, not making any sense. As she got older, it didn't get any better. She wasn't blonde, but it seemed like she should be," said a friend about Mary Beth Baker, when asked about record unemployment lows.
That is not all that is in the news, howeffervescent, there is also something fairly new.
Let us all hail the introduction of a NEW MAJOR TO CHRISTENDOM COLLEGE's already-bursting course load. We cite as our source a capable reporter, known perhaps by many as a Restaurant Reviewer for that poorly published publication which it would be a waste of letters to name here. Nonetheless, articles such as Josepha's made that item curious enough to peruse, as did mistaking it for its much-improved counterpart, The Yodeler. At any rate, Josepha obtained the inside scoop on this news, and our agent Smith passed it along to be published here. Or there. But not just anywhere.
"Bertolini will be leaving Napa to start a new life as a freshman at Christendom University in Front Royal, Va., this fall. Although she will be more than 3,000 miles from her family, she said she's ready to leave the nest. 'I have a sister, nieces and a brother-in-law who live in Virginia. So if I get real homesick, I can go running to them,' she said. 'I'm not sure what my major will be. I love photography. The university has a wonderful photography program." '"
Hold on. Let's do an instant replay.
"The university has a wonderful photography program."
Now let's do it in slow motion, to make sure we are really seeing this right.
"The university has a wonderful photography program."
The Academy sent reporters scurrying all over Front Royal and the Christendom Campus to gather what info they could on this strange phenomenon. Cornered at the Knotty Pine, Andrew Hayes stated that, "Hi. My name is Andrew Hayes." The bartender told us that he could only think of one person on the Christendom staff that might give the impression of Christendom having a photography course, though he wasn't sure of the name. We were, and interviewed someone that looked like this guy and he said, "I always knew girls came to Christendom because of me." That is the best we could do for now, so we are still on the investigate for new information regarding this major. Perhaps we will have to corner Walter Janaro. Perhaps we will not. This writer needs a drink.....
"That about sums up Josepha Bertolini," an anonymous source told Academy reporters. "Ever since she was a toddler, she's been getting into mischief and bumbling about, not making any sense. As she got older, it didn't get any better. She wasn't blonde, but it seemed like she should be," said a friend about Mary Beth Baker, when asked about record unemployment lows.
That is not all that is in the news, howeffervescent, there is also something fairly new.
Let us all hail the introduction of a NEW MAJOR TO CHRISTENDOM COLLEGE's already-bursting course load. We cite as our source a capable reporter, known perhaps by many as a Restaurant Reviewer for that poorly published publication which it would be a waste of letters to name here. Nonetheless, articles such as Josepha's made that item curious enough to peruse, as did mistaking it for its much-improved counterpart, The Yodeler. At any rate, Josepha obtained the inside scoop on this news, and our agent Smith passed it along to be published here. Or there. But not just anywhere.
"Bertolini will be leaving Napa to start a new life as a freshman at Christendom University in Front Royal, Va., this fall. Although she will be more than 3,000 miles from her family, she said she's ready to leave the nest. 'I have a sister, nieces and a brother-in-law who live in Virginia. So if I get real homesick, I can go running to them,' she said. 'I'm not sure what my major will be. I love photography. The university has a wonderful photography program." '"Hold on. Let's do an instant replay.
"The university has a wonderful photography program."
Now let's do it in slow motion, to make sure we are really seeing this right.
"The university has a wonderful photography program."
The Academy sent reporters scurrying all over Front Royal and the Christendom Campus to gather what info they could on this strange phenomenon. Cornered at the Knotty Pine, Andrew Hayes stated that, "Hi. My name is Andrew Hayes." The bartender told us that he could only think of one person on the Christendom staff that might give the impression of Christendom having a photography course, though he wasn't sure of the name. We were, and interviewed someone that looked like this guy and he said, "I always knew girls came to Christendom because of me." That is the best we could do for now, so we are still on the investigate for new information regarding this major. Perhaps we will have to corner Walter Janaro. Perhaps we will not. This writer needs a drink.....
You can get the original story here: http://www.napavalleyregister.com/articles/2005/06/05/news/export9405.txt
And you know what happens to people who get too much sun. They get loopy.
i said a good "Philosophy program" the reporter misquoted me. Funny article though.
ReplyDeleteIn general, "college" isn't quite the same thing as "university". Calling Christendom a university merely confirms what I've thought for some time, that the freshmen who entered last year have a plot to take over the college.
ReplyDelete